Recently, I went to a beautiful place to clear up my tiny, over-complicated, chaotic mind, which is a certified overthinker. I asked my friend to play some music, and boom! Kabira – a classic Bollywood song.
And I slipped into my memory lane, feeling all nostalgic.
This song has a special place in my heart. It perfectly captures the stubbornness of a wild heart that craves so much from life, yet longs for inner peace and enlightenment.
When I first heard this beautiful poem (yes, I believe it’s a poem), I felt strange, like I was unraveling a complicated yet highly optimistic reality. And it kept me on hook for quite a while.
I read many interpretations of this song, but I always wanted to woolgather my own words. So here I am, just doing what feels right.
Obvio, here I am not comparing Kabir’s life to mine. He has a cool life and career. (and I’m an analyst working 9 to 5 in a foreign land.)
But the emotional turmoil is relatable AF. Pardon my french, but trust me!
This song portrays the emotions we all might feel at some point in our lives. And questions that we usually ask ourselves in the moment of stillness.
Questions like..
Ban liya apna paigambar, Tar liya tu saat samandar, Phir bhi sookha mann ke andar kyun reh gaya?
You are the god (master) of your life, choices, and fate. You have seen the whole world; you swam all seven oceans. Still, why do you have an emptiness inside your heart?
Mast maula, mast kalander, tu hawa ka ek bavandar, bujh ke yun andar hi andar, Kyun reh gaya?
You are a free-spirited and carefree person, a storm of the winds. Then why are you drained from the inside?
Kaisa tu hai nirmohi kaisa harjaiya?
How come you became heartless and emotionless? You started to forget all your old memories. And most of all, you.
As your heart feels heavy with those questions, you start looking around, and you feel a whimsical pain creeping into your bones.
Everything (and everyone) is waiting for you. Asking you to return to your roots, your loved ones, and yourself.
Tooti chaarpaai wohi, Thandi purvai rasta dekhe, Doodhon ki malaai wohi, Mitti ki suraahi rasta dekhe.
Your old things, like a broken bed, the cold eastern wind, the malai, and the earthen pot. Everything is waiting for you. A home is waiting for you.
Aaja tujhko pukaare teri parchhaaiyan
Your shadow (your old self) is calling you.
But you know you.
You know your heart.
You know the wilderness of your heart, the braveness of your soul, and the uncertainty of your mind.
You know you have choices that are opposite but equally important to you. And you cannot choose any of that but chaos for yourself.
Why are you choosing pain when peace is within reach?
Kaisi teri khudgarzi? Na dhoop chune na chhaaon
What is your selfishness? You are choosing neither light nor shade.
Kaisi teri khudgarzi? Lab namak rame na misri
What is your selfishness? Your lips taste of neither salt nor sweetness.
Kaisi teri khudgarzi? Kisi thor tike na paaon
What is your selfishness? Your feet don’t settle in any place.
Kaisi teri khudgarzi, Tujhe preet purani bisri.
What is your selfishness? You’ve forgotten your old love.
You know you can go back. But you’re a different person now. And again, trizillion questions come rushing into your tiny mind.
What if you went back to your old self and still didn’t feel at home? Is it worth going back? Will you feel the same way you do now?
Who knows?
Isn’t it weird to feel that way? To feel all these things and realize how complicated it is to make choices?
Here’s my takeaway from this: I genuinely believe choices are one of the most powerful tools anyone can have.
Of course, there’s a lot of privilege in feeling this way. Many people out there don’t have any options at all.
But it’s wild to think that you’re just one decision away from changing everything. But choosing one life often means letting go of another.
Still, here’s the strange comfort: you will be glad to know that you have a choice of not choosing anything (I know, it sounds like a paradox.)
Just let go. Just release.
Because universe has power to place what belongs to you right into your pocket without you even realizing it. (Trust me!)
And maybe that’s the beauty of life. Sometimes your emotions will leave you feeling empty. You feel a hole in your chest as huge as your favorite city.
And that’s okay.
That’s how life works.
That’s how choices work.