Life often feels like an emotional rollercoaster that too without a seatbelt. And this blog is my way of making sense of the ride. (Turns out, even my chaotic thoughts need structure; shoutout to my low-key OCD.)
Emotions are mystery to me. They hit like a tsunami, shake you to the core, and still echo even after everything looks calm. Maybe that’s why I try so hard to understand them.
This process of laying things out to see them more clearly is my way of understanding them, and it’s what first led me into the fascinating world of psychology.
And I’ve become the unofficial psychoanalyst. And no, not a combination of psycho plus analyst, or is it? (Okay, my humor is officially broken)
It’s a fun hobby for me, until it’s not.
Until all that understanding turns inward.
That’s when I realize, no matter how much I study emotions, I still have to feel them.
Even worse, all that awareness makes them even louder. (Guess Thanos and Iron Man aren’t the only ones cursed with knowledge.)
And when it hits, we have two choices: Run or sit with it.
Some people run, keep themselves busy, live fast, blast music, basically do anything to avoid space to process. I used to run. Over time, I realized, it’s not a sustainable path.
Though I understand everyone’s journey is different and there’s no “right” way to cope, one thing I can tell for sure is that:
No matter how nonchalant or cool you are, or you try to be, emotions resurface eventually, and when they do, you can’t help but shatter!
So, choose to sit with it.
For as long as you need, that’s the only way out.
The pain. The anger. The confusion. The guilt. The grief.
Sit with all of them.
Let it flow through you.
Uncomfortably long. As hard as you need.
Sit back
And watch yourself crumble.
And then, do it all over again.
And again.
And again.
And maybe not today, but tomorrow, you’ll turn that rage into art.
It’s easier said than done, right? You’re probably thinking, ‘Girl, what does that even mean…sit with it?!’
Don’t worry, I got you.
Sitting with it means facing every messy, painful part of yourself. Basically, accepting chaos within you without asking the universe, “Why always me?”
The question “why me?” is so human. Sometimes, playing the victim feels easier in such situation.
You blame the world. You blame timing. You blame the Mercury retrograde.
But the truth is, it doesn’t change anything.
That’s the thing about a victim mindset. It feels like safety, but you end up giving control to external factors that are beyond your control. (It’s like living as a side character in your own story)
Here is the bottom line: Life is never easy for anyone, so you can either blame anything and everything, or you can start a slow process of accepting and healing, not for anyone else, but for your own sake.
Basically, shifting from a victim mindset to a growth mindset, or as I like to call it, reclaiming your role as the main character in your life.
But the question is how?
Well, I don’t have your map; only you do. (Hold on, I can totally picture you rolling your eyes right now. Lol.)
I can’t tell you what your path should look like. No one can.
The first step isn’t about knowing how.
It’s about building quiet belief in yourself that you’ll figure it out. Believing that deep down, there’s a version of you waiting to be found, not a perfect one, just one that’s more aligned with your true self.
And trust me, that’s all it takes to kickstart the domino effect: Build a belief in yourself with a growth mindset. That’s how I started my journey.
Simple, right? Not even close.
This part is the hardest. It’s like the main character’s development arc; when you start building, there surely comes a time when you don’t like what you see.
You will see the part of yourself you haven’t fully forgiven yet. The part that still feels ashamed, angry, or anxious.
You will see…
- The mistakes you tried to bury.
- The dreams you abandoned out of fear.
- The self-doubt that echoes, you weren’t enough.
- The relationships you held onto too long, even when they hurt.
- The people you pushed away, even when they love you.
- The fear of abandonment, even when no one meant to hurt you.
- The numbing habits you picked up to avoid feeling.
- The moments you stayed silent when you should’ve spoken your mind.
- The moments you looked in the mirror and knew something had to change, and did nothing.
In psychology, it is called the “shadow self“.
Shadow self is a psychological concept. It is the dark, unconscious side of yourself. The parts hidden and denied, often buried in shame, fear, and trauma.
And yes, it is uncomfortable as hell.
As you let things flow through you, you start talking to your shadow-self, not with avoidance or judgment, but with love and compassion.
It is as if you’re speaking to a child who’s done some stuff that they’re too afraid or ashamed to admit. Picture that child sitting across from you, leg quietly shaking, eyes heavy with the weight of guilt and pain.
Your shadow-self is the same. Your past-me, who did some stuff when you didn’t know any better.
Now, what do you do to let that child know it’s okay to mess up, that they’re a natural part of learning and growing?
You sit beside her quietly, not to yell, not to fix, and definitely not to lecture on how to be better. Instead, you act with patience, create a safe space where she can feel seen and heard.
You let her process her feelings at her own pace. She eventually will open up, and somewhere in her story, you will hear a whisper of confession, “I didn’t mean to do that, I didn’t know what else to do.“
You listen carefully. Then you say softly: “I know, it’s okay, you did what you had to.” and you help that child see things from a learning perspective.
Similarly, you let your new-me help your past-me to see a different perspective.
A perspective where you don’t just accept the pain, you also try to understand the meaning behind it. Not to justify, but to reflect. And through reflection, your lesson becomes clear.
And I believe that’s how healing begins, not by forgetting the past, but by loving your past-me enough to say, “Rest now. I’ll take it from here.”
Remember…your shadow-self doesn’t need punishment. It needs your kindness and empathy.
Somewhere between those hard conversations with yourself, reflection begins to replace regret, and compassion takes the place of shame. And in that safe space, healing takes root.
You begin to understand that the rollercoaster was never the enemy; it was just the ride back to your true self. And every mess, every pain, and every choice has been a necessary step on this path.
You begin to believe that “you weren’t breaking, you were becoming.”
P.S.: Just like life is a never-ending rollercoaster, I believe becoming is a never-ending journey. And we learn to ride it by having enough trust that we’ll catch ourselves if we fall.
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